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A little note from "The Queen of Sensitive"
Written by Toy   
July 16, 2012
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Be sensitive

[photo: ChristArt.com]


ATTENTION.

If you ever happen to catch me going through it, and I do decide to pour my heart out to you, PLEASE do me a favor, and never ever ever ever say any of the following things in response:


"Oh, you're strong. You'll get through it."

"I never worry about you. I always know you'll be ok!"

"Aww c'mon, just snap out of it."

"It's not a big deal. Why do you let that upset you?"

"That's just how it is/how they are/how life goes. Sometimes you just have to get over it..."

 

Yeah, nahh. Just. don't. Undecided

While some of these things might be "true", and my perspective may very well need a shift, timing and wording is everything. In the midst of an emotional struggle, these are probably some of the least encouraging, helpful, or empathetic words to hear.... [continued below]

 

 

 

Usually, it only makes me feel worse... like my feelings are invalid... like I'm not a human being who is allowed to experience hurt and disappointment... like I don't have permission to be anything other than strong ALL of the time.

Sometimes it feels dismissive... like feelings aren't taken seriously...like punishment... like a slap in the face for sharing... like (unless one grows a much thicker skin) one may be better off pushing through, persevering, and overcoming pain in silence.

And it's not that you don't mean well, but... did you first stop and consider how your words may sound to someone who is already hurting?

Are your words encouraging? Empowering? Uplifting? Supportive? Do they add fuel to the fire, or help extinguish it? Are they comforting or critical?


Sometimes the listener should simply listen, not attempt to solve. Sometimes people just want to be heard and understood. (If you do have advice, sometimes it even helps to ask before you offer it). Some moments are ripe to practice empathy, NOT to judge another's feelings based on how you THINK they should feel, or to announce how YOU could handle it better in the same situation. (Note: It's always easier to say what you would have done when you're not feeling it and didn't go through it.)


Or, if you don't know what to say, how about this:  "I'm so sorry... I'm don't even know what to say".  It's honest. Sometimes saying nothing is more soothing than throwing out random fixes for what you can't understand or empathize with. And just a plain ol' "I understand" works wonders, if you do.


Or consider this-- Maybe you're not being asked to SOLVE the problem, but to simply stop and spare a damn for a heart that's in trouble... Maybe, just maybe?

Listen,  I'm the Queen of Sensitive. Trust me on this one. :) ♥

 

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