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Poker Face Lady & The Mystery Toilet Paper
Written by Toy   
July 24, 2012
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Mystery Toilet Paper

Some people have an AMAZING superhuman ability to stay ABSOLUTELY calm in the craziest of moments......

Take for instance, the lady in line in front of me at Best Buy just now.

I just tapped her on the shoulder (after a long freakout-session in my head on her behalf) and whispered that 'something' was hanging from underneath her long skirt. Without missing a beat, she looked down, reached under, and proceeded to pull out about 2 FULL ROLLS of toilet paper that was somehow tucked into her stockings!!!! (Ok, maybe not 2 whole rolls... but at least $1.77 worth-- or shall we say, approximately 3 & 1/3 wraps around the fist worth.) :-| And she DIDN'T bat a single EYELASH! NOT ONE. Like a fearless superhero, she stood at the front of that LONNNNNG LOONNNNNNG line of us watching in bewilderment.... and she just kept pulling... and pulling... til she pulled it all out (like a mighty magician clown pulling all those long azz colorful handkerchiefs tied together out of a hat at the circus?) And then...

 

she kicked it beneath the register, thanked me for "being so sweet", and sashay-chante'd it out of the store in such a way that would've brought Rupaul to a tearful standing ovation.

 

No, but seriously-- I'm not even just being funny, because I've had my share of super embarrassing moments in public (which I'll tell ya about on this blog). All I'm sayin' is: HOW IN THE HELL DID SHE DO THAT WITH NO VISIBLE REACTION!!!!!!??? I think WE looked more embarrassed than she (well those of us who were brave enough to make eye contact. (Awkward.)

I'm in total awe right now. Kudos, lady...

 

I'mma have to practice that at home. #PokerFaceWIN

 

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