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Bikram Yoga is for Superheros!
Written by Toy   
July 07, 2012
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Well, today I survived my very first Bikram (hot) yoga class...

Yes. All 90 minutes. All 26 poses (with only about 6-10 near death rest breaks).  And all without ACTUALLY dying.

Yay me.

Here is my "after" face----> Yell !!!!!!
Don't judge me or try to change my mind...
Just be here for me while I vent for a sec, ok? Cool.

The verdict-------------> I REALLY  @*&%in' HATE Hot Yoga.

...And Hot Pants. ...And Hot Pockets. Hot rods... Hot dogs... Hot tamales. Hot 97. Hot tubs. Hot toddies. Hot chocolate. Hot air balloons. Hot rollers. Hot springs. Hot sauce. Hot water. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Stoves. The sun. Heaters...

ANY and EVERYTHING that reminds me of the 220+ degree, heart-baking, lung-boiling, eyeball parchin' trauma I suffered today.

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On Following Your Path and Purpose...
Written by Toy   
June 29, 2012
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NC Sunburst

During a conversation the other day about "realizing your purpose" and "staying on your path", someone said to me:

"I always wonder if I should try to stay on my current path. I know people always advise you to persevere.... but sometimes you persevere and it's just not the path He has for you. How do you know when the trials you face are a sign to give up?"

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Bloody Mary FAIL!
Written by Toy   
June 25, 2012
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Bloody Mary FAIL

(After stalking watching me from behind a bush planted on the bar, a flirty, wild-eyed, scruffy blonde waiter suddenly pounces upon his prey my table, unapologetically interrupting a peaceful solo brunch with bottomless mimosas)...

Waiter: [speaking in THICK Russian accent] Ohhhh.. you are almost done with mimosa. You would uhh... like another one?

Me: OH. Ummm...ok yeah... sure. I'll have another one.

Waiter: Or how would you like to try my Bloody Mary......

Me: Oh...No thanks. I don't think I like tomato jui--

Waiter: Great, I MAKE one for you.. I be right back. (*hauls azz behind the bar, begins mixing frantically*)

Me: (-_-) ...

Waiter: (*returns with 40-oz glass of a viscous concoction containing rotten celery stalks, thick tomato juice, and rotten limes, with buzzards flying around it*)

Me: o_o  *loses appetite immediately, dry heaves*

Waiter: Wait. Let me tell you why you do not like Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary is not right in America. In Russia, Bloody Mary is for single man like me who have no wife, no girlfriend... When I lust for woman, I go to bar and order Bloody Mary, and I get...... No ...  I TAKE MY WOMAN.

Me: o_0.....................

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Alice In Wonderland...in JAMAICA?!
Written by Toy   
June 06, 2012
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I know this is kinda random but... you remember the story of "Alice In Wonderland", right?

Ok. Well have you ever had four glasses of Riesling when your limit is two and thenwondered how it might've played out if, (rather than Wonderland), Alice had fallen into a rabbit hole that landed her in, say....

....a living room in Jamaica? Hmmm.....

And then, instead of throwing back that 40-oz of magic shrinking potion like a true OG with a bottle of "Old E" drinking the magic shrinking potion, she would have drank.....say....












.....a tall glass of Patra?

Hmmm... I wonder...

*eerie dream sequence music* ------------> (UH oh.) (Here goes.....)

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